(The Power of Stepping Away)
We’ve all done it—whether wittingly or unwittingly—and participated in passing along information that is only partly true, mostly flawed, or deeply judgmental.
Gossip. It’s sparked into flame by someone who knows a partial truth about a person or situation, by intrigue or offence, or by divisive intent; then it’s fuelled into fire by others who want to know about it but who have no business knowing it.
And as gossip spreads, tainted glasses regarding the other covers our eyes so that we view the one being gossiped about in a skewed light, and that’s not the end of the story.
There’s also a psychological phenomenon that happens when we gossip, called ‘spontaneous trait transference’. This is where the traits you attribute to others while gossiping—whether positive or negative—subconsciously become associated with you in the minds of your listeners.
It’s also effectively the same phenomenon that happens with slander and judgment: you slander someone’s reputation and that slander is how you become seen in the mind of your listener. You judge someone and you are judged.
This is what a kind older gentleman once told me in my teens: “When you point your finger at someone, you’ve always got three pointing back at you.” I think that’s a clear explanation of ’positive transference syndrome’, or ‘don’t judge lest you be judged’ in operation right there.
These aren’t just weird side effects of saying some words, they are earthly laws, and it’s best not to participate in them in the first place. We enact them the moment we engage. James 3:1-12 says the tongue is a powerful, small member of the body but the effects of it can cause immense destruction. It can divide or unite. Tear down or build up. Inspire hatred, or offer grace. And so on and so forth.
I’ll level with you: I’ve caught myself engaging in gossip a few times of late, and afterwards I’ve felt the grit of it on my tongue. I’ve felt the flame of it sear my skin. I’ve groaned inwardly at the rot of it in my belly. I’ve walked away from the situations and thought, “Why? That was so senseless.” And I’ve decided I want nothing more to do with it. Not only that, but if it is in my power to call it out and stop it in its tracks, I will.
This past week, I watched helplessly as gossip almost took out an entire overseas ministry. It began with a completely false ‘he said/she said’ scenario (the spark) and ended by landing on the doorstep of a key ministry player (the fire) who took offence, quit, and started rumours of his own. So fast. So senseless. So sad.
It was the weirdest and most damaging thing to watch. Everyone involved participated (the fire) and no one stopped to question. No one thought to say, “I know the person you’re talking about and that is absolutely NOT their heart. They are thoughtful, kind, make great decisions, and would NEVER say something like that… in fact, let me take this to them directly and ask them about it.” No one did that. And so a shit storm of mammoth proportions ensued.
When someone is busy bludgeoning someone’s reputation to death, we have the ability to destroy the weapon when it’s handed to us. We have the ability to speak truth to the one in front of us—to remind them of who they are and whose image they’re made in. We have the ability to love and offer grace; to remind them that we will not stone them with our words and nor will we stone the one everyone else is currently stoning.
There’s a greater reality that could be at play in those moments. A kingdom reality. A reality where we are seated in Jesus and we offer even those who’d be considered an enemy, the almost too good to be true love of Jesus.
1 Corinthians 13:1-8 says, “If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. IT DOES NOT DISHONOUR OTHERS, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, IT KEEPS NO RECORD OF WRONGS. LOVE DOES NOT DELIGHT IN EVIL BUT REJOICES IN THE TRUTH. IT ALWAYS PROTECTS, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. LOVE NEVER FAILS.’
Gossip is us engaging with unloving laws and languages that are of the earth and under the earth. It is the opposite of protecting and it is not kind. It’s us mirroring lack and destruction into the world; we always have a choice as to which realm we wish to engage.
There is a meme floating around the internet at the moment that says, ‘the power of stepping away.’ (Attached.) There is power in removing your match from the allure of the wrong flame to see rumours die and judgments disintegrate.
Conversely, there is power in placing your match beside the flame of love which resides in heavenly places, where hope inspires and kindness heals. Where protecting the hearts of all concerned is championed and where hope and trust are restored. That’s a fire worth engaging.
We can be the point of difference. Bare the image of The One we were created in. Be Him here on the earth and reflect the things He has already given us for the earth.
This is not about behavioural modification. This is about asking the question: “Am I reflecting You, Heavenly Father, onto the earth in this moment?” If you’re not, simply rest in Him and your choices will change accordingly.
Go ‘be’ your new creation self, lovely one. You are His image barer here on the earth. Take up space and let love win.
